DRIVING THE MERCEDES
My daily driver is a Mercedes s600. It is a rather remarkable car, doing things normal cars just can’t do.
I spent the day working on Cheryl’s cabin cruiser at Stockton Lake 120 miles south of home. It was a busy day painting the pilot house and doing some other miscellaneous things. At 6:00 I wore out and headed for home. Before setting out, I swallowed a No Doz tablet to keep me alert on the longish drive. I do not consume caffeine so the No Doz is guaranteed to keep my eyes open. I have a distressing tendency to drift off on long drives.
I travel Route J north from the town of Stockton for 23 miles until it reaches Highway 54. Route J is an Ozark blacktop. It twists and turns, goes up and down sharp hills, and is very scenic. There is only one passing zone along the entire stretch.
The caffeine pill worked its way into my bloodstream, and I started getting really into the road. I drove faster and faster, hitting the sharp curves hard. My car has the capability of driving however I want. It has a computer brain worthy of its price tag. After just a few fast corners and lateral G’s, the car decided I wanted to have fun. Abruptly it shifted from ‘c’ for comfort to ‘s’ for sport. I am not sure I told it to do that, but the car knows it’s master and I am it. Several adjustments were quickly made.
The seat adjusted the air cushions for a tighter grip on my body. The cornering wings on the seat deployed on every corner keeping me totally supported laterally as the car intended. It doesn’t want the master to slip around any. The suspension tightened and lowered the whole car an inch to obtain a better center of gravity, keeping it totally flat on the corners. The shift points on the six speed transmission changed, decreasing the number of available gears. The twin turbos increased boost to the 12 cylinders, increasing available torque to 650 foot-pounds, and making massive acceleration available on demand. The handling system engaged ready to keep lateral tire slippage under control and eliminating any tendency to understeer or oversteer in corners.
The Command System muttered ‘Ich bin fertig’. No, it really didn’t say that. Even though the car speaks 10 languages, I typically select English, my native tongue. I only occasionally have it speak German to me. So it said ‘I am ready’. It meant it, too. Whipping through the corners and powering the short straights, the one-man race was on.
We crested a sharp hill and Command warned me of slow traffic just ahead with two loud warning beeps. The distronic radar spied a truck, calculated our closing speed, and started slowing the car before I could even react. I did not want to follow a 45 mph truck, and promptly changed lanes and floored it. Command did not like that and hesitated for an ‘augenblick’ until the radar gave it an all clear. Then all hell broke loose. It was a very short passing stretch, dangerous on a travelled road, but no one travels on J. Command applied all 650 pounds of torque and 530 hp. The yellow triangle warning light flashed a few time indicating loss of complete traction, but then the car got control.
I probably scared the behootees out of that truck driver. All he saw was a silver flash and we were gone. The speedo jumped from 45 to 130 and I had to get on the brakes for the next corner. The distronic can’t sense corners, just objects. Well, in a few seconds we reached the crossroad of Hwy 54. Heartbeat slowing down, it was time to be a sedate sedan again.
Just for the record, the excellent German engineers in Stuttgart put their best into their top of the line s600. The owner’s manual, on – line only, is 740 pages. They have a special training school in Stuttgart for owners. I can’t remember all the things my car will do, but I know I haven’t done them all in the three years I have owned it. I have not, for instance, tried a true speed run, contenting myself to watching the car accelerate to 180 mph on a U-tube video. My tires are rated 150 mph and I haven’t gone over that, yet. I have occasionally skunked a few fast cars that see the v12 marker on the side and want a challenge. Mostly, I just enjoy the incredible comfort of driving this ultimate hot-rod luxury car. Very patient, but always ‘bereit zu gehen’, ready to go.
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